Understanding the ABDL struggle

[ScruffyDL]

For me I shared with my now wife within the first month of our relationship. I was 26 years old and she was just 21. It was a big thing to me that I felt both comfortable with sharing my secret with her and the fact that I already trusted her. I think, subconsciously, I was trying to see if it would scare her away. Today we are approaching 33 years married and three grown children so we must be doing something right.

What I did was simply mention that I have worn diapers and sometimes want to. I was not very active at that time due to living with my parents and going to college. She had questions but I think we both had a strong connection that we wanted to accept each. I think she already knew my insecurities and my family life enough as she had similar up bringing which is what formed the basis of our trust and early relationship.

I did not indulge in my DL side for our first years. It was the birth of our first child that sparked me. I was 30 years old and living in Brazil. I ended up getting my first real adult diapers at that time. On weekends I would become little. We repatriated back to the USA and I stopped for a while. I had always struggled with my DL desires. This site helped me rationalize the fact that I am a DL and I began to accept it. I do my best to not overdo it.

 

[Seug]

I did not indulge in my DL side for our first years. It was the birth of our first child that sparked me.

Oh that is interesting, usually I hear stories here about this side of people going away while their children are in diapers. They become tools and just a chore. This is usually in response to the worry that being around their kid's diapers will cause a reaction in them though.

 

[DLPeakOut]

I am 62 married, two grown up children and still a pure DL since young age. I have tried to reduce, throw away and stop a few times over my life but i always returned to the comfort, enjoyment relaxation and liberty of diapers and plastic pants. I choose not to tell anyone and to date still enjoy my passion on my own.

I managed to stop wearing for longer periods when with family and and saved occassions for DL time alone and on many business trips. I dont really need others to know or help me with being DL so i never missed this part or felt a need to tell anyone. I find this site along with very few other social media sites reminds me of community and not being alone.

Today to tell a partner about a festish seems to be easier with greater liberalisation. That was harder 40 years ago so i fully agree that if you can enjoy openly a passion with a partner go that way when possible.

I have hidden some diapers and multiple pairs of plastic pants. i guess with increasing age the discovery of using diapers gets easier if you need to tell. My only advise is for those in same boat dont keep to many ABDL [colourfull] diapers as the explanation around IC maybe more challenging!

 

[Piefox]

Your absolutely not the only one that has this struggle but I feel many on this forum can relate hear is my 2 cents.

Got into the ABDL scene early on in life thanks to bladder coping mechanism something something insert long self story here... but to the point in the end its not about what other people think. You should do what is best for you to be happy. If your partner cannot accept you for who you are and listen than you need to ask yourself where you stand.

Before I was married I made it a point to be an open book with who is now my wife and were still happy. I disclosed my ABDL and issues early on and was fine. My previous relationship we just didn't communicate well and she cheated and left. Better off for me, it taught me that if you cannot communicate everything to your spouse or partner you need to really evaluate your situation because you should be able to trust each other and understand each other.

I wear diapers 24/7, I wear little clothing around the home without hiding from my wife and I still manage to lead a perfectly "Normal" life with a solid career. Everybody has their quirks nobody is truly "Normal" and if they say they are, they are probably lying to you.

Good luck

 

[BabyNancy]

A successful relationship involves a lot of honesty, difficult talks, negotiation, compromise, and acceptance. For me, wearing panties and wanting female authority in my life has been more of a need/urge than my baby/diaper fantasies, although both are part of me. I have been up-front with my wife about my desire to wear women’s underwear, and she has come to accept this. She has seen how I thrive with her authority and dominance in our house and bedroom, but getting to we are now is the result of many, many talks, some missteps on my part, and some misunderstandings that we worked through.

Although we are now in an FLR that is vastly satisfying to me, I have not told her (nor plan to tell her) of my desire to wear (and use) diapers. I do not want to lose what we have, which to me is already a lot. I have explored around the edges of abdl and have ample reason to believe that she would have a problem with it.

So, I am making two points: Be honest, ask for what you want, BUT, be realistic with what your partner may or might not accept.

Some women might not be okay with their man wearing panties. Some may not be comfortable being dominant and controlling their partners orgasms. These things my wife has accepted and I think even embraced and come to enjoy and see how they benefit her. Some partners may be accepting of abdl and see how harmless it is and how much joy it brings.

Be aware that there is a huge risk to maintaining secrecy and not asking for what you want, but there are risks to vulnerability too. The relationship needs to be strong enough and your partner trustworthy enough to tolerate it. Bottom line: It’s not easy to have these special needs. Many times I have wished that I could just “be normal,” but I ain’t.

 

[DLover123]

So please bare with me this might just come over as a rant than a question.

So I’m sure I’m not the only one and there will be similar posts however I just need to vent.

ABDL has been with me since I was little, I’m sure it was to cope with something and gave me a sense of safety and comfort. But like most there’s always the internal struggle. As each year goes past, I say to myself right this is the last year and then that’s it I leave this all behind me. Yet even now I’m looking at some ABU little kings/alphagators knowing I haven’t tried them and want to see what they’re like. Another new product will come out and even if I’ve gone to stop I can’t help but want to get the new thing and enjoy that once again. I was on here years ago and came off searching for that “normal” life (if that even exists) yet I came back for the support knowing I’m not the only one.

Now my struggle is I can’t open up to a partner about this, I panic and can’t see a way to approach the subject, the risk is to high, even with the success stories I read. So I stay hidden and indulge when I can.

As the years go by my options feel limited, quit and leave this all behind knowing it may never go but lead the regular life OR live as the only person I know as ABDL, search for that possibility of acceptance and indulge as I please, maybe even find that person who does accept (who knows it could be current), maybe even a friend who understands.

How does everyone cope with their internal struggles? Has anyone ever just said that’s it and left?

For the issue with telling your partner, communication is VITAL. There will never be the “perfect” moment. You have to just trust yourself to be able to handle any reaction that your partner may have. Most of the time, people are more accepting sometimes than people realize. Not to say everybody is open-minded, and there are people who react poorly to being told about ABDL, but if people keep that kind of thing from their partners, it can really destroy a relationship, especially when we as the ABDL’s start to behave differently with a lot of guilt on our conscience.

 

[bigdawg]

I have been thinking this, I think framing is key. If you frame it as some sort of horrible incurable disease and perversion, they will treat it like that and also freak out and worry about it. On the flip side, don't treat it like it is normal, then they might worry about your self awareness, there is probably a balance.

Is this how you framed it? Seems like a good way to do it. I ran into the problem I would frame it as "I have a diaper fetish", which makes it sound both like a disease (I have something), and that it is 100% sexual. I think framing it as a "like" makes the most sense.

We were talking about sexual interests and things we’d like or like to try. We had done one of those silly little questionnaires that only shows you interests that matched and of course we didn’t match on the diapers question so I told her there was one we didn’t match that I was really into. She guessed a few times and then I just told her.

I’d avoid using wording like “fetish” in my initial talks. It’s such a buzz word and makes everything sound like a creepy attraction or desire.